


Drive Me Crazy

by iwasnttrainedforthis



Series: Drive [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasnttrainedforthis/pseuds/iwasnttrainedforthis
Summary: Merlin’s a mob boss, Eggsy’s his driver.They drive around real fast.
Relationships: Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Series: Drive [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998499
Comments: 22
Kudos: 195





	Drive Me Crazy

Eggsy leans against the brick wall, keeping an eye on the street. There’s a heavyset man standing around outside an unmarked door half a block away. The man’s keeping a close eye on Eggsy, which makes him think he’s got the right address. He straightens up when he sees a sleek black car pull up to the kerb. Two men get out. They’re both taller than Eggsy, wearing suits. Eggsy’s not sure which one is “Merlin” but he knows it’s got to be one of them. 

He pushes off the wall and starts walking over, careful to keep his hands out of his pockets. The heavyset man steps in front of Eggsy before he gets very far. “Going somewhere, son?” he asks. Over by the car, the man with slicked back hair steps in front of the bald man. Guess he knows which one is Merlin now. 

Eggsy raises his hands a little higher. “I’m here to talk to Merlin. My name’s Eggsy. Eggsy Unwin. Dean Baker was my stepdad.” At this the man in front of Merlin puts his hand in his jacket. “I’m not here to cause trouble. Dean was an arsehole, you did us a big favor. Maybe we can talk inside?”

Both men look to Merlin, who nods. He motions for Eggsy to go in front of him through the unmarked door. 

Eggsy looks around at an unremarkable waiting room. Uncomfortable looking chairs line the beige walls, an empty receptionist’s desk sits towards the back. He looks back to find Merlin staring at him expectantly. Right. 

“So Dean was an arse but he was bringing in some money. With him gone, I got no way to support my mum and my little sister.”

Merlin’s second in command scoffs a bit. “We’re not running a charity shop here.”

Eggsy bristles. “I’m not asking for a hand out. I’m asking for a job. I helped Dean out with his business all the time. Whatever you need done, I can do. And I know how to keep my mouth shut.” He looks straight at Merlin, ignoring the other man. “There ain’t a lot of jobs to be going around in my neighborhood. Give me a chance, you won’t be sorry.”

Merlin looks him up and down. Eggsy stands a little straighter. 

“Alright,” he says. “Galahad, take him over to Gawain, see if he can use an extra hand.”

Eggsy looks at Galahad, who looks as surprised as Eggsy feels. Eggsy holds his hand out to Merlin. “Thank you. You won’t regret this.” 

Merlin just looks at his outstretched hand, then back up at him. “I know I won’t. You saw what happened to Dean, so you understand what happens to people who disappoint me. Don’t want your mother and sister to find out too, do you?” He turns away. “I’ll be in my office, Galahad,” he calls back over his shoulder. 

Eggsy feels his heart rate jump. He might have just gotten himself in over his head. He follows Galahad back out of the empty waiting room, onto the street. The sleek black car is still idling on the kerb. Galahad opens the door and indicates Eggsy should get in. He gets in behind Eggsy and tells the driver, “Back to Gawain’s, please.” He sits back and turns to regard Eggsy. Eggsy looks back at him. 

“So, what’s this ‘Gawain’ guy gonna need me to do?” he asks. 

“He runs a chop shop several blocks west of here. You’ll be helping him out with whatever he might need help with. I presume you know which end of a wrench is which?”

Eggsy shrugs. “Sure thing, guv.”

Galahad looks slightly pained. But it’s got to be a put-on. They’re on their way to a chop shop, not tea with the queen. Galahad is still scrutinizing him. “How did you know where to find us?” 

The hairs on the back of Eggsy’s neck stand up. He glances out the window. They’re still in a fairly heavily populated area. “I asked around,” he says cautiously. 

Galahad looks stern. “I need to know if we’ve got a security breach. We should have heard if you were ‘asking around’.” 

Eggsy’s already come this far, he can start out by being honest with his new employer. “I was there when your guy came to warn Dean off Merlin’s territory. Then I saw him again one day when I was hanging out with my mates, followed him for a bit. He never saw me, I don’t think.”

Galahad ponders this for a minute. “Fair enough. I should warn you, Merlin is undoubtedly looking into your background as we speak. He doesn’t like new people. Quite frankly, I’m not sure why he agreed to take you on. I hope nothing will show up we need to be worried about?”

Eggsy barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Well, I might be in trouble, then. Didn’t realize I would need a clean record to help turn over stolen cars.” 

Galahad’s face has ‘listen here you little shit’ written all over it, but all he says is, “You might want to keep in mind that our operation is on a completely different level from whatever Dean Baker was involved in. I’d advise you to put your keen observational skills to use and act accordingly.”

Eggsy can do that.

  
  


Merlin looks up from his computer as Harry strolls into his office. He braces himself. 

“Well, I’ve got your new puppy settled in down at the shop…”

“Harry,” he warns. 

“No, you’re right. I’m sure you have a perfectly logical reason for offering the young man a job and it has nothing to do with his pretty face.”

“Hadn’t Gawain just finished telling us he needed another set of hands in the shop? We’ll keep a close eye on him--”

“I bet we will,” mutters Harry.

“--and if it works out, that’s one problem solved. You know I don’t make a habit of offering jobs to young men just because they’re pretty.” 

After all, it’s not a habit if it’s only the one young man. 

* * *

Eggsy shuts the hood on the Honda he’s working on. He had hoped he’d get to work on Lambos and Porsches but he’s learned the money is much better in mid-range cars the police won’t spend as much time tracking down. He’s not complaining, though. The pay is decent, and it beats the hell out of eight hours on his feet behind a deep fryer. Gawain looks up from his mobile and calls out “Eggsy, can you take the Mercedes over to HQ to pick up the boss? He says Galahad took his driver and he’s got somewhere he needs to be sharpish.”

“Yeah, sure, mate.” Eggsy grabs the key from the board. He’s only seen Merlin a handful of times since he started working here. He’s powerfully curious about the man. 

“You know how to get there? He says step on it.”

“Got it,” Eggsy says as he slams the door. He peels out of the garage. If the man wants him to step on it, he’ll step on it. The coppers in this particular neighborhood get a little extra in their paypacket every week to ignore what goes on in the shop, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting pulled over. He starts to smile as he shifts into a higher gear. Just cause you’re not driving a Porsche doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun. 

A few minutes later, he’s slowing down as he approaches the office. He realizes he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to go inside to pick up Merlin, or what. He certainly doesn’t have the boss’s number. Fortunately just then the office door opens, and Merlin steps out.

At the same time, Eggsy spots a vehicle rounding the corner from the other direction. It’s a big black SUV, with tinted windows. His eyes widen as he sees the rear window roll down. He swerves his car up onto the pavement, pulling up right in front of Merlin. Merlin ducks down behind the car as bullets start spraying through the windows. Eggsy ducks down below the steering wheel. The SUV keeps driving. Merlin pops back up and Eggsy sees him aiming a gun at the rear window of the other car, only managing to break the glass. 

“Get in!” he yells at Merlin. Merlin looks down at him, then pulls the door open and gets in the front seat. Eggsy immediately takes off after the SUV at top speed. 

The SUV has pulled around a corner but he’s able to follow it without much trouble. The Mercedes sedan isn’t the most maneuverable but it corners better than the SUV. There’s a man in the back seat of the other car, taking aim at them through the shot-out window. Eggsy risks taking his eyes off the road for a second to look over at Merlin. He’s calmly rolling his window down and leaning out of it. Eggsy ducks as the man in the back of the SUV gets a few shots off. Merlin returns fire. The road widens and Eggsy takes the opportunity to pull alongside the SUV, giving Merlin a clear line of fire to the driver. Merlin takes the shot. The SUV swerves off the road, rolling over once. 

Eggsy throws the car in reverse and pulls back up next to the SUV. Merlin shoots him a glance and tells him, “Stay in the car.” Eggsy doesn’t have to be told twice. Merlin gets out of the car, walks over to the SUV, and pulls the rear door open. He leans in. Eggsy can’t see what’s going on inside the SUV, but he doesn’t really need to. 

Eggsy takes a deep breath to try to calm his racing heart. He peers through the broken windscreen, keeping an eye out for any new threats on the horizon. Merlin is now heading back towards him, face expressionless. Eggsy takes a moment to be thankful that he and Merlin are on the same side. Very thankful. 

Merlin pulls open the door behind Eggsy and gets in the car. “Get us out of here. We need to be gone before emergency services gets here.” Eggsy pulls back onto the road. He can hear sirens in the distance. “Did you see any witnesses?” 

“No, sir.” Nobody in this part of town would be that stupid. 

“Good. Take us back to the shop. This car will need to be scrapped.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did Baker teach you to drive like that?”

Eggsy glances up at Merlin in the rearview mirror, startled. He honestly wasn’t sure Merlin remembered him. 

“Nah, I, uh, had a couple mates who showed me the ropes. Dean did have me boost a car once or twice, never gave me a hard time if I took ‘em out for a spin first.”

“Hm.” Merlin doesn’t say anything else on the way back to the shop. Eggsy keeps an eye on him in the mirror.

As they’re pulling up, Eggsy works up the nerve to ask, “So do you still need me to drive you somewhere? I can grab a different car?” 

Merlin leans forward in the seat slightly. “No, my errand is no longer necessary. You did very well. Tell Gawain you can take the rest of the day off. I’d like to have you drive me tomorrow, though. Pick me up at 10. I’ll have Galahad text you the address.” Merlin gets out of the car without waiting for a response.

“OK,” says Eggsy to himself. He sits in the car for another minute or two until Gawain starts yelling at him. 

  
  


Eggsy pulls up to the townhouse and waits at the kerb. And waits some more. He double checks he’s at the address on his phone, which he is. Is he supposed to honk? That doesn’t sound right, but Eggsy’s never been a chauffeur before. He hopes he wasn’t expected to dress up. He’s wearing his nicest pair of trousers and a button down, which is the best he could do with basically no notice. 

Finally the door opens to reveal Galahad stepping onto the porch. Eggsy is oddly disappointed. He tries to peer behind Galahad. Did Galahad spend the night there? He doesn’t particularly like that idea either. But Galahad just closes and locks the door behind himself before getting into Eggsy’s car. 

“Good morning, Eggsy,” he says. 

“Morning, sir,” replies Eggsy. “I thought I was supposed to drive Merlin today?” he asks. 

“You’ll be driving both of us this morning. Pull out here, then left at the next intersection. Merlin was very impressed with your driving yesterday.” Eggsy sits up a little straighter as he follows the directions. His driving was pretty awesome. “But I’m still considering this a trial run. Left at this light here. There’s a big difference between a wild race through the streets and being Merlin’s everyday driver. You’re going to have a significant amount of downtime while he may be busy with meetings and other errands. You’ll be required at various hours, nights and weekends included. Is that something you’re prepared to handle?” 

Driving nice cars and then being paid to chill for a while? Eggsy can think of much worse jobs. “Not a problem at all.”

“Left again up here. And I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, discretion is of the utmost importance.”

“Eyes and ears on the road only. Got it.” 

“You’ll pick me up an hour early tomorrow, we need to get your wardrobe sorted. What you’ve got on now won’t work at all. He’s at #12 up here on the right.”

Eggys narrows his eyes at the rearview mirror as he pulls up in front of the block of flats. It’s two blocks from Galahad’s place, they’ve just driven in a big circle. 

Galahad pats Eggsy on the shoulder as he gets out to retrieve Merlin. “Good man,” he says. 

* * *

Eggsy crosses his arms and slumps back in his chair. He eyes the police officer sitting across from him. “I’m not saying anything,” he tells her. 

“Eggsy, I don’t think you understand the severity of your situation.” She nods at the thick file on the table in between them. “These are some very serious charges. You’re looking at significant jail time. Who’s going to take care of your mother and sister?”

Eggsy furrows his brows. How closely have they been watching him? They grabbed him off the street when he was on his way to meet up with his mates. He doesn’t know what they could possibly have on him. But he knows enough to keep his mouth shut around the filth. They might just be fishing.

“We’re not asking you to testify in court, nothing like that.” Her voice is reassuring, almost friendly. “We’re looking for a confidential informant. From time to time, we’ll check in. You drop us a line about what Kingman might be working on. That’s all. You’ll be well compensated.”

Eggsy snorts. “I’m allowed a phone call, right?”

The officer smiles slightly. “Don’t believe everything you see on the telly, Eggsy. I’ll give you a bit of time to think about what I’ve said.” She takes the case file and leaves him in the windowless room. 

Eighteen hours later, Eggsy is getting seriously concerned. The police officer has been back in a handful of times, alternating with her grim “bad cop” partner, both ignoring his requests for a lawyer. He doesn’t have a whole lot of options at this point. The door opens again. The officer sits down, placing a form on the table. “This is your last chance, Eggsy. Is Kingsman worth that much to you?”

His head’s a little fuzzy after a night spent in a rickety plastic chair, but it’s still an easy decision. He firms his chin. “Do what you have to do, I’m not a fucking rat.”

She smirks at him. “Fair enough. Follow me, please.”

Confused, Eggsy gets up and follows her down the hallway towards a side exit. He squints as they step out into the grey light of day. Galahad is waiting for him a few metres down the pavement. “Eggsy, well done. Pete’s ready to take us back to the office.” He indicates the car waiting for them. Eggsy gets in, still not quite sure what has happened. 

“What the hell is going on?” he asks. “Did you guys spring me?” 

“In a manner of speaking. Just a little test of your loyalty, something all Kingsmen must go through. You passed with flying colours.”

The gears are shifting slowly in Eggsy’s head. “That’s messed up.”

Galahad chuckles. “But necessary. We’ve had some close shaves in the past, as I’m sure you can imagine.”

Eggsy fumes quietly for the rest of the car ride. He’s got quite a speech worked up by the time they arrive at the office. He shrugs off Tiny’s congratulations and storms inside towards Merlin’s office. 

Eggsy pushes the door in a little more forcefully than necessary. Merlin looks up from behind his desk. When he sees Eggsy, he smiles. Eggsy stumbles a bit. Merlin gets up and comes around the desk. He squeezes Eggsy’s shoulder. “You did very well, lad,” he says. “Roxy was impressed, and so was I.” He reaches down to shake Eggsy’s hand. “Welcome to Kingsman.”

Eggsy’s angry tirade is lost to him now. “She works for you then?”

“Couldn’t do what we do without her and her partner.” Merlin hands him a thick envelope. “Consider this a bonus for the inconvenience. Go home, get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you, sir.” If Eggsy thought he was in trouble before, he knows for sure he is now.

* * *

Eggsy pulls up in front of Merlin’s flat and waits. He knows by now that Merlin’s security system will alert him when Eggsy is here. He sits up straighter when he sees Merlin and Harry leave the house. This driving gig has maybe not been as exciting as he thought it would be. After the dramatic start, he figured he’d be involved in shoot-outs every week, at least a high speed chase every once in a while. Turns out running a criminal empire is pretty boring. So far Eggsy just ferries Merlin to various warehouses and offices across the city. But it’s Friday night, and he’ll be taking Merlin and Harry to visit various nightclubs they have an interest in across the city. Surely strippers will be involved, at the very least. 

Merlin slides in the back seat, followed by Harry. “Good evening, Eggsy. We’ll start with Alchemy, please.” Eggsy thinks he sees a spreadsheet pulled up on the ever present tablet. As he pulls away from the kerb, Merlin and Harry start throwing around terms like ‘cash flow’ and ‘depreciation’. Eggsy swiftly revises his expectations for the evening. He’ll be lucky to see a tie come off. Not that he was picturing Merlin as one of the strippers. That would be ridiculous.

Idling outside the third club of the evening, Eggsy pulls up some house music on his phone to cheer himself up. He doesn’t think Harry and Merlin have even been drinking. He spots them coming out of the club, Harry leaning forward to get the door for Merlin. Harry’s carrying something in his hand, which he shoves at Merlin once they get seated. 

“Ice from the bar, for your hand.” This gets Eggsy’s attention. He tries to peer into the backseat without looking like he’s trying. “I could have handled that, you know. Isn’t that why you drag me along on these trips?”

“You’re just here for backup. Sometimes these things need a more personal touch.”

“Well, you need to work on your technique. You’ve got blood all over your jacket now.”

“It’s only a few drops. I’d like to see you do better. Eggsy, Flex is our next stop.” Eggsy snaps his eyes back front and starts pulling out into traffic. “And kill the music, please.” 

At the next club, only Merlin emerges from the back door. 

Eggsy looks at him, eyebrows raised. 

“Harry has arranged alternate transportation. We’re done for the night. Back home, please.”

“Yes, sir.” Eggsy can feel the bass from the club from here. Does Merlin have a family waiting for him at home? He certainly hasn’t mentioned one, but it might explain the lack of strippers and cocaine. It’s not really any of his business. But he can’t help but ask, as he drives off, “Got somebody waiting up for you?” 

“No,” says Merlin shortly. Eggsy supposes that answers his question well enough. He stays quiet for the rest of the drive back.

  
  


The next morning, Eggsy sends Harry a text, letting him know he’s arrived. Apparently Harry hadn’t actually arranged transportation home, since Eggsy’s picking him up from the same club he was dropped off at last night. He looks annoyingly chipper for someone requesting an 8am pickup on Saturday morning. 

“Thank you for picking me up, Eggsy,” Harry says as he gets in the car. 

“It’s my job, Galahad,” replies Eggsy. He and Harry’s driver split the weekends. “Have a good time last night?” 

“Absolutely. I take it you saw Merlin home safely after we parted?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” It occurs to Eggsy that he might as well get something out of this early morning wake up call. “He really doesn’t like, have a family?”

Harry snorts. “He’s never really been a family type of man.” Eggsy glances back to see Harry looking at him thoughtfully. “You know, he was in a fairly serious relationship at one point. Nice young man.” 

“Oh?” says Eggsy. This feels like useful information. 

“Bit of a sad story, though. Some enemies of Kingsman did their background research. They kidnapped him, thinking they could use him as leverage against Merlin.”

“Oh god,” says Eggsy, horrified. He didn’t realize Merlin had a tragic backstory.

“He’s fine now, of course. Merlin tracked them down, rescued him, burned the other syndicate to the ground, salted their fields, all of that. But John felt, reasonably, I suppose, that the life of a gangster’s boyfriend was not for him. Merlin’s been single ever since.” Harry shifts in the backseat, leans forward a little bit. “I’ve always thought he’d do better to find someone already in the game, so to speak.”

“I’ll keep an eye out. I get to know some of the businessmen I drive for you guys pretty well.” Eggsy doesn’t think it would be all that terrible to date a mob boss himself. Hypothetically. He does have one more question. “Hey Galahad?”

“Yes?”

“What kind of music does Merlin like? I’ve played him all sorts of shit, I can’t figure it out.”

Harry sits back in his seat, face grim. “It’s better if you don’t know,” he says.

* * *

Merlin steps out of the office building. Eggsy is propped up against the side of the BMW, scrolling listlessly through his phone. Merlin’s told him before he can wait inside but Eggsy claims the room is “too beige.” Merlin nods to him and slides into the backseat of the car as Eggsy gets behind the wheel. Merlin checks his watch. “Hm.” He frowns. Eggsy perks up, looking hopeful. “I’m running late, I have a meeting at the warehouse...now, actually. How fast can you get us there?”

Eggsy grins at Merlin in the rearview mirror. “Hang on to your hat.” He peels away from the kerb, practically taking the corner on two wheels. They cut through an alley that strictly speaking is just for pedestrian traffic. Merlin pretends to be absorbed in his paperwork, but every so often he glances up to watch Eggsy enjoying himself. 

In no time at all Eggsy pulls up outside the warehouse. Merlin gathers the scattered papers that have fallen to the far side of the car. “Thank you, lad. We’ll probably be another hour or so.” 

Eggsy settles back in his seat to wait. “I’ll be here.”

Merlin gets out of the car and walks over to Harry, who had been outside going over a few things with Bors as they drove up.

“If you had any hair, it would be windswept. Any particular reason you were in such a hurry to get here 20 minutes before our meeting?” Harry asks. 

Merlin makes every attempt not to look over at Eggsy sitting in the car pretending not to watch them. Harry still notices. He rolls his eyes. “You’ve got to stop spoiling the boy like that. What if you’d gotten pulled over?” 

“It’s fine.” 

“It’s not fine. Just admit you’re a dirty old man and take the boy out for dinner or something before you bring down the whole organization trying to make him smile.”

Merlin will do no such thing. “Chester didn’t have to put up with this kind of insubordination.”

“Not until you shot him. Is that what you want? Actually, you probably do. Maybe a graze or something, give Eggsy an excuse to fuss over you.”

Merlin interrupts him before he can go any further with this line of thought. “I’ll shoot you, Harry, don’t push me. Let’s get started.” He leads the way into the warehouse. 

* * *

“Thank you for your time, Mr Keith. We’ll be in touch.” Merlin watches as the man exits the car, heading back into the seedy pub they’d picked him up from. He leans back against the seat and rubs his forehead. “Take us back to the office please.”

“Sure thing, guv.” Eggsy pulls out into traffic and is quiet for a bit. “You know, I’m still pretty new, and there’s plenty I don’t know, but it can’t be good for business to work with idiots.” 

Merlin snorts. “You are right about that. But now I’ve got to figure out how to get him back out of the picture. Your stupider criminals typically don’t take ‘we’ve decided to go in a different direction’ very well.”

Eggsy laughs. “You’ll figure something out.” He scrolls through his phone as they sit at a light. Some sort of punk rock nonsense starts blaring through the speakers. 

“No, Eggsy,” says Merlin before the song gets three bars in. He looks up front to see Eggsy frowning to himself, not at all adorably. Eggsy stabs his phone with his finger and the car is blessedly quiet once more. Merlin keeps working on his tablet, until he feels Eggsy put the car in park. He looks up but they haven’t made it to the office yet. “What-” he starts, but Eggsy hops out of the car.

“Be right back,” he calls out. Merlin watches him run into the restaurant they’ve parked in front of. It looks vaguely familiar. Before he can get too grumpy about the unauthorized stop, Eggsy is back in the driver's seat. He hands a plastic bag back to Merlin. “I know you forgot about lunch, don’t need to have you skip dinner too.”

Merlin hadn’t recognized the building but he definitely recognizes the smell coming from the bag. His favorite takeaway. “I am hungry,” he realizes. “Thank you.”

“I could tell, you get extra cranky when you haven’t eaten. Didn’t want to inflict that on the boys at the office,” Eggsy tells him as he starts the car.

“Whatever happened to ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’?” wonders Merlin. “I miss those days.”

“No you don’t,” says Eggsy. He’s right. 

* * *

Merlin gathers his weapon and tablet and heads for the door. He comes to a halt when he steps outside and the car is missing. He turns to Tiny, standing next to the door. “Where’s Pete?” 

Tiny shrugs. “He took Galahad over to see about some supply issue. Galahad said he’d be back before you even noticed he was gone but probably not before 3.” Merlin grinds his teeth a little. He hadn’t noticed Harry had gone anywhere, but he’s definitely noticing now. He steps back inside the waiting room and pulls his mobile out to dial Eggsy. 

Merlin can hear low voices in the background when he picks up. “Eggsy, I have to get over to the councillor’s office as soon as possible. Pete’s tied up, so I need you to come pick me up at the office.”

“It’s my day off, I can’t--” Merlin doesn’t have time for this.

“When you took this job you knew it didn’t come with a 9 to 5 schedule. I’m not asking. You have 20 minutes to get over here.” Merlin ends the call. 

Twenty minutes later he’s pacing back and forth in front of the office when Eggsy pulls up. Merlin strides over to the car, pulls open the back seat, and comes to a halt. The back seat now contains a car seat and a toddler. Eggsy leans across from the driver's seat. “Daisy, this is Mr Merlin. Say hello.” The toddler doesn’t speak, but holds out a small stuffed rabbit towards him. 

“You’re gonna have to get in on the other side,” Eggsy tells Merlin. His expression dares Merlin to say something. Merlin has a lot to say, but none of it is appropriate for a child’s ears. He glances at his watch. He doesn’t have much choice at this point. He walks around the car to get in on the other side.

The toddler has twisted around in her seat to keep an eye on him. Eggsy clears his throat. “Hello, Daisy,” Merlin says. She continues to stare at him as Eggsy pulls out onto the road. Merlin gets out his mobile and sends an angry text to Harry. Obviously this whole situation is his fault. He feels something poking him in his side and looks down to see Daisy holding a small board book in his direction. 

“We were on our way to storytime at the library when I got your call,” Eggsy says. “But obviously this is more important.”

It is more important. But Daisy is still holding the book out, expectantly, and Merlin might have done some morally questionable things in his time, but he’s not a monster. He takes the book and opens it to the first page. “Once upon a time there were four little rabbits...”

Merlin and Daisy are admiring the artwork on page 11 when Eggsy puts the car in park. “We’re here, guys,” says Eggsy from the front seat. He sounds like he’s trying not to laugh. 

Merlin pulls a note from his clip and hands it up front to Eggsy. “Stop and get an ice cream or something on your way home. I’m going to have Harry pick me up from here.” He hands the book back to Daisy, who takes it and immediately tosses it to the floor in the backseat. “Nice to meet you Daisy.” 

He steps out of the car and stands on the kerb. He straightens his tie. He’s not exactly in the right frame of mind to threaten a councillor anymore. He’s going to need a minute. 

* * *

Harry is on the pavement seeing off an honest to goodness cowboy. Eggsy’s still not entirely sure what sort of drugs he sells, or what sort of a name Tequila is. He picks up his mobile to switch the music back to something less twangy and depressing. Movement from the backseat catches his eye as he does. Merlin is tapping his foot in time with the singer singing about a Wurlitzer prize, whatever that is. He’s otherwise absorbed in his tablet. 

Eggsy smiles to himself as he watches. Seems like he’s been spending a lot of time lately, just watching Merlin. Not even his fault, really. The man looks too good sitting in the backseat of his luxury cars, wearing those stupid suits. How is Eggsy supposed to take his eyes off him? Merlin looks up and catches Eggsy’s eye in the rearview mirror.

“Everything all right, Eggsy?”

Eggsy clears his throat and snaps his eyes back straight ahead.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Back to the office please, soon as Harry is done.”

“Yes, sir.” Eggsy puts the mobile back down without switching anything. He’s probably not the first lowly foot soldier in Kingsman to fall in love with Merlin. He’ll get over it eventually. Hopefully.

* * *

Merlin sits down at his desk, humming to himself. He and Harry have just returned from a drive out to Guildford to check up on some money launderers. It was a productive trip. Merlin has logged in to follow up on a few issues when Harry lets himself into his office. He sits down in one of the chairs in front of Merlin’s desk.

“We need to talk,” says Harry. He leans forward, hands steepled together. 

“Is there a problem?” asks Merlin. Perhaps Harry spotted something on the visit that Merlin missed.

“I just spent the last hour listening to John Denver, I consider that a big problem.” Merlin rolls his eyes. He had thought it might be something serious. “Don’t roll your eyes at me! That boy is in love with you, there’s no other possible explanation. Please, put him out of his misery.” 

“You’re exaggerating. He’s a detailed-oriented, thoughtful employee, that’s all.”

“This goes above and beyond even the most dedicated of employees, and you know it.” Merlin says nothing. “Is this about John? Eggsy got shot at the first month he was here, he’s not going to get scared and run away now.”

“It’s not about that.” This gets him a look. “It’s not just about that.” Merlin sighs. “Compared to Eggsy, I’m an old man. I have a dangerous job. Anybody in a relationship with me would have a target painted on his back. He deserves better than that.” 

Harry looks sad. “I think that’s up to Eggsy, don’t you?” 

“No, Harry. Leave it alone.” Harry opens his mouth to argue. “I don’t want to hear about this any more.”

“If you won’t listen, you leave me with no choice.” Harry stands and heads for the door.

That sounds alarming. “What do you mean by that? Harry?” He’s already gone. Merlin slumps back in his chair. So much for having a good day.

* * *

Eggsy pulls up to the kerb, a good block away from where he’s supposed to drop Merlin.

“Eggsy…” Merlin warns from the back seat. 

“I’m just sayin’, it doesn’t feel right. These guys are bad news. I don’t like it.”

“You’re not paid to like it, you’re paid to drive the car. So drive the fucking car.”

“Why did they decide they had to meet right now? This problem was like custom designed for you. And Galahad and Percival just happened to be tied up on the other side of town? It’s crap. You need to wait until someone else can go with you.” Eggsy glares at him in the rearview mirror. Merlin can feel the back of his neck turning red. 

“What makes you think you get to talk to me like that? I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive. You’re going to drive me to the door of that pub. I’m going to go in, alone. You’re going to be waiting patiently for me when I finish my business. And the only thing I want to hear out of your mouth right now is ‘Yes, sir.’ Am I understood?” 

Eggsy works his jaw for a minute, then mutters “Yes, sir,” and puts the car in gear. He parks in front of the door. Merlin moves to get out of the car. He looks back incredulously when he feels Eggsy’s hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” Eggsy says, softly. “Please, just let me come in with you.” 

Merlin pulls his arm away. “Absolutely not.” He gets out of the car and stalks over to the door of the pub. The Jaguar drives off with a screech. He yanks the door open. Harry was right about one thing, this situation can’t continue. He’s let the boy get away with too much. He’s going to have to reassign Eggsy somewhere else, get another driver. It’s become too much of a distraction. So much so that he doesn’t even notice the man lurking in the doorway, who knocks him out neatly with a blow to the back of his head. 

When he wakes up tied to a chair in some shady back room surrounded by half a dozen scumbags, he can’t decide if he’s angrier at himself for letting himself get captured, or with Eggsy for being right. 

He’s mildly surprised he’s still alive, until he sees Mr Keith step out in front of his scumbags. He struck Merlin as the kind of man who likes to act the big tough guy. Probably has plans to drag this out as long as possible.

“Your first mistake was not killing me as soon as I walked into that pub,” Merlin tells him. “There’s no other way this ends well for you.”

“Oh, I am going to kill you,” Keith leans down to grin at Merlin. “I’m just going to take my time with it. Want to make sure I send the right message to all your friends.” 

Merlin headbutts him. Can’t make the situation any worse. It earns him a fist to the stomach and a backhand across his face. He shakes it off. “You know, if you really want to prove that you can take my place, you ought to make this a fair fight. Send your boys outside, cut me loose, take me on man to man.” Keith looks thoughtful, like Merlin’s making a good point. He really is a fool. 

Keith steps over to confer with one of his men. As he does, the back door swings open. There’s a hail of bullets. Keith and the men standing next to him go down. The man standing next to Merlin pulls a gun. Merlin throws himself sideways at the man, knocking him down. Unfortunately now all he can see is a patch of wall. There are two more gunshots. Then silence. Someone leans over to pull Merlin’s chair back upright. He finds himself staring at Eggsy. “I thought I told you to wait patiently until I was done,” is all he can say. 

Eggsy wipes a bit of blood from the cut on Merlin’s lip with his thumb. “You gonna write me up? Suspension without pay?” he asks. 

“Are you going to untie me?” Eggsy doesn’t move. “Thank you for saving my life.” Eggsy’s face crumples a little. 

“I thought you were going to die because you were being a stubborn arse. Listen, Harry says you’re in love with me and the only reason you won’t do anything is you’re afraid something will happen to me. Is that true?”

Merlin would prefer not to be tied up for this conversation. He’s feeling very exposed. “Please just untie me, Eggsy.”

Eggsy’s face falls and he unties Merlin, then turns to leave. “I’ll just go get the car.” Merlin lets him get as far as the door, then stops him with a hand on his arm. He pushes Eggsy against the wall and kisses him, hard.

“Harry needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut, but I do love you,” he says when he releases Eggsy.

Eggsy yanks his head back down and kisses him again. He pauses to ask “Just to check, I’ve proved that I can handle myself now, right? So you’re done being an idiot about this?” 

“I’m convinced.” He hears sirens in the distance, coming closer. “We’d better get out of here. Wait, tell me you didn’t use one of our guns for this.”

“‘Course not, you taught me better than that.” Eggsy winks at Merlin. He grabs Merlin by the hand and pulls him into the alley out back where the car is waiting. “You’d better hold on tight, boss.” Eggsy tells him as he throws the car into gear. Merlin’s grin matches his as they race off into the night. 


End file.
